Belong

Everyone talks about adjusting to your future family in arranged marriages being hard, but I am experiencing that the case is the same in every marriage.

Look at mine! Today is the first morning after my wedding and I am here standing and overthinking in my new room, nervous and scared.

Me and scared! Never thought this day would come because– not to brag– I am a pretty fearless person. I didn't get scared when I got ‘out of syllabus’ questions in my exam, nor did I get scared when I was cornered by a petty thief in an alley– my self-defense skills kicked in. Hell, I wasn't even nervous for my first deposition.

But the prospect of going outside is making me panic right now. There are so many relatives staying at the house right now since they are gonna leave tomorrow after my post-wedding rituals are complete, and I don't know more than half of them. Obviously, I recognize them by face, but after getting introduced to a gazillion people during these wedding functions, I am almost sure I have forgotten most of their names and their relation with me.

It's not like me and my beloved boyfriend-turned-husband didn't discuss each other's families, but before they were all Uncles and Aunties to me. Now, his chacha is my chacha, his bua is my bua, etc etc. What if I call someone by their wrong title?! Everyone would think that this girl can learn laws and cases but not this.

At least I had time to mug up those cases.

Speaking of my husband – god that's the only thing that feels right saying at this moment – has been missing since the moment I woke up (Not completely missing, he left a very cute note on the bedside table). But since I knew him all too well before our marriage, I know he is a super early riser. I am sure he just took a power nap for 2 hours before waking up at 8:00 am since we slept at 6:00 am. As for me? I slept like dead after our wedding got over around 5 and we retired to our rooms. It took almost an hour to remove that heavy bridal lehenga and jewelry. Never wearing that thing again. 

I am sure the most romantic one of us – he obviously – had other plans, but after so many chaotic days and months, my priority was sleep. We have our whole lives for the first wedding night action.

But at this moment, I really wish that he was here. Part of me is delaying stepping outside just for him to come and take me to act as a mediator. But no! He is out, leaving me here to panic; chatting with his family and having fun probably. 

What am I supposed to do if I go out? Go into the kitchen and make tea for 15 people? That's what Indian TV serials and movies have always shown. But what are everyone's preferences? Do they put ginger? Cardamom? Does everyone take sugar or does someone have diabetes? Do they even drink tea?!

I don't even have my phone on me right now so that I could text him.

Why did I have to do this marriage? What the hell was I thinking?!

I wish Mom were here.

A knock comes on my door, followed by, "Beta, are you awake?" in the voice of my husband's mother (Hopefully my guess is right), breaking my thoughts.

"Yes, Au-" Aunty? Mummy? Aunty? Mummy ji? "Yes yes."

"Can I come inside?” Can she come inside?

I look around to see the mess of gift boxes and suitcases, and then toward myself in the mirror. Hair done, jewellery all set, except... My saree.

What will she think if she comes and sees I am struggling to tie the pleats of my saree?

‘She can't even handle a saree, how will she handle a household’

Okay, she won't think that. My mother-in-law is actually pretty cool, but it doesn’t matter what she will think cause I am thinking that. 

If my husband was here, he would say, ‘You need to change your thought process. Think differently, darling. Simple.’ I would have thrown a heel over his head at that. Why is he not here when needed?!

“Navya? Are you okay?” 

Oh shit. “Yes yes, all good.” And then, because I really, very badly need someone, I blurt out, “Actually, my saree, it’s…” I trail off, hoping she heard it. 

The door slightly opens and she enters, simultaneously closing the door behind her and keeping the Aarti ki thali (veneration plate) on the nearby desk. 

She walks towards me with a smile and bends down. “You should have called for me earlier. What if I hadn’t come and checked on you?”

Her tone is not scolding but I suddenly feel like a kid being reprimanded. “I am sorry, Aunt– mummy ji.” 

She fixes my pleats with the pin and gets up. With that sweet smile still on her, she cradles my face with her hand. “Don’t be sorry. Now come on, we are getting late.”

Did I forget something? “For what?” I ask her as she moves around the room to keep the little things in their place. It makes me very self-conscious of the mess. 

“I sent everyone to the temple and asked them to wait for us. They all were so loud, it was giving me a headache. I thought you and I could walk and spend some time together. Maybe it would help rather than pacing in your room.” She smirks in my direction and the anxious pit in my stomach slowly starts to dissipate as I look at her in shock and awe. 

“Come on, Navya beta. Do you want to take anything?” I am so speechless that I just nod and follow her out of the room. 

“And listen, take your time calling me Mummy, mom, or whatever you guys use these days. Just don’t add ‘ji’ at the end. Too old fashioned you know.” She shudders mockingly and I let out a soft chuckle. All the panic I was feeling a few minutes ago starts vanishing and right now, when I didn't need to say anything for her to come to my rescue, calling her mom feels right, but I don’t get the chance to. 

Now, as we walk towards the temple, I realize that I wasn’t scared of the people. I was afraid I wouldn't fit in with this new set of people whom I had to call family. But with my new mother gossiping and filling me up with funny details about everyone and making me laugh, I have a feeling that I will belong just fine.